For the most part, Charlie had been remarkably good about my breakup with Jacob. I winced at the terminology, but knew I couldn’t honestly refer to it as anything else. He’d also been very supportive about the wedding, though I saw him looking askance at the invitations. To be honest, they’d startled me, too. Apparently Alice didn’t know me as well as she thought she did. I supposed time would mend that. We’d have all kinds of time.

It was only two days after Alice sent the ugly things out that Quil and Embry appeared on the front porch. Quil had his arms crossed over his impressive chest, and an angry glint in his eye. Embry looked apologetic, and handed me a piece of the offensive parchment. I scowled at it, but invited them in. Embry sat down at the kitchen table with me in silence. Quil stood, just inside the door, leaning with affected nonchalance against the counter. When I opened the envelope and saw Edward’s neat handwriting I felt my stomach drop.

Before I could even comment, Quil spoke up. “He’s gone. Took off right after that arrived,” he spat angrily. I felt the tears start in my eyes. The accusing tone of his voice was entirely deserved. I couldn’t even try to pretend this wasn’t my fault.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. There wasn’t anything else I could say. Embry seemed to understand this, and stood up. I walked them to the door. Embry hugged me before disappearing back out into the rain. Quil scowled at me but after a moment he uncrossed his arms and hugged me as well.

“So are we,” he replied, biting his lip in a way that reminded me of myself. Then he was gone also.

When Edward arrived that evening, I could tell he was trying to ignore the scent of werewolf in the house. He didn’t comment or scrunch his nose, but some of the light seemed to go out of his eyes. I led him into the kitchen, where the smell of lasagna might have overpowered any lingering scents from the morning. Or so I hoped. I had no way of knowing.

“What are you making?” he asked, glancing from the dinner plates in the sink to the oven. He’d obviously figured out at once that Charlie and I had already eaten.

“Lasagna,” I answered. I was a little loathe to tell him my plan. It was something I really had to do, but he wasn’t going to like it. I’d resigned myself to that before I’d even cooked the noodles. I would have to tell him what I was up to, but there was something else we had to talk about first.

I didn’t have long to wait. I turned back to finish the dishes, and it was only a fraction of a second before I heard a soft, “Oh,” behind me. When I faced him again, he was seated in Charlie’s chair, his eyes focused on the note he’d sent to Jacob, which I’d left open on the table.

“I’m not angry with you,” I said, trying to inject a warmth into my voice that I didn’t really feel. I’d felt ridiculously cold since the words had left Quil’s mouth. “But I’m disappointed that you didn’t trust my judgment,” I finished, lowering my eyes to where my hands were twisting the dish towel. He was standing beside me instantly – as if he’d forgotten that Charlie was just a room away and might see him moving so fast he blurred.

“I’m sorry. I just thought, if it were me – “

“I read it. I know what you thought. But it wasn’t you. And JAKE isn’t you.” I knew Jake. I knew what that invitation – what that note – would have done to him. I knew perfectly how the fire would have torn through his chest when he read those words. I knew he’d have disapproved of everything from the font to the paper to, and especially, the date on that document. I shook my head. “He’s gone,” I said finally.

Edward’s eyes were filled with remorse. He had often been filled with remorse since our return from Italy, but this was a new kind. For once, he was sorry about hurting someone other than just me. He truly did have a compassionate heart, one of many things I loved about him. He wanted to do what was right. Sometimes, though, he overvalued his own ability to discern exactly what that was. This was one of those times.

“The lasagna will be done in twenty minutes,” I told him unnecessarily. I’m sure he’d already noticed the display counting down. “I’m taking it to Billy tonight.”

“That’s good of you,” Edward replied carefully. “Please give him my apologies. I thought Jacob would appreciate being invited. I didn’t realize.” He was always so formal. It was difficult to tell if his formality now was because he honestly felt uncomfortable with what he’d done, or if it was only his usual manner. It didn’t really matter.

“Thanks,” I whispered. He didn’t even stay until the timer went off. I felt guilty, knowing that my pain over Jacob had chased him away – had caused Edward pain in turn. I’d promised myself that I’d make it my life’s work not to cause him any more pain. But the cycle was begun, and it would be a long time before thinking of Jake didn’t hurt. Maybe the hurt would never go away. It felt that way today.

Driving to La Push was agonizing. I nearly turned around at the treaty line. Embry only lived about a mile and a half onto the reservation. He would hear my obnoxiously loud engine when I passed by. I wondered what he would think, what they all thought. Did they despise me for what I’d done to their brother?

And Billy. Billy, who was like a favorite uncle, who had treated me like family when I was six years old and making mud pies with his daughters near the tide pools. Billy, who had treated me like family even as he watched me breaking his son’s heart. He’d be totally justified to slam the door in my face when I arrived.

I fought back the tears before they could start, and set my jaw. If that was what he wanted to do, the least I owed him was the opportunity to do it. I pulled up outside the house and cut the engine. I could already see the curtains fluttering. I tried not to hesitate as I retrieved the pan of lasagna from the floor on the passenger side, shoving the door closed with my hip.

Billy opened the door and looked up at me as I approached. His eyes seemed ancient with worry and sadness.

I held the pan in front of me with the faded yellow pot holders that my mother had purchased to match her cabinets, and which Charlie had never replaced. “Hi,” I said, forcing myself not to whisper.

“Hello, Bella,” he replied, and his voice sounded more gentle than I expected. I don’t know if I thought maybe it would be rough from crying, or angry, but it was neither. I managed a small smile.

“I was thinking about you. I wanted to come by,” I said awkwardly. Without a word, he wheeled himself backward, and gestured me into the house. “Thanks,” I responded, quickly sliding one of the pot holders under the pan before setting it down on the table. “Have you eaten?” I asked.

“I have, but thank you. That will be a very welcome treat tomorrow.”

I turned back to him, biting my lip. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I asked them not to send it –“ I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t make myself blame Alice and Edward as if the invitation was all that had caused Jacob’s pain. This wasn’t their fault. The blame was only mine.

“Bella, you can’t help who you love,” Billy said, after he’d looked at me for a long moment.

“Neither could Jake,” I choked out, aware that the tears had started coming again, aware that my breathing was getting out of hand.

“No,” Billy agreed. “But he is strong. He’ll be alright.”

I could tell that it cost Billy a lot to say this. I knew he must be worried sick about his 16 year old son running alone through the woods – God knows where. No friends, no family to comfort him. And it was my fault.

Still, I nodded, reassured in spite of myself. “He is,” I whispered. “He’s much stronger than me.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled in sudden amusement, but I knew he was aware that I wasn’t talking about physical strength. Still, his ability to see even a horrible joke in any of this lightened my heart a little. I felt my breath coming more naturally. We looked at each other for one peaceful moment. One of the great things about Billy was that he didn’t need to fill those sorts of moments with idle chatter. Finally, I was able to smile at him.

“There’s probably a game Saturday. Charlie’d love to have you come up to watch it. I can pick you up after work,” I offered. Billy agreed to that with more enthusiasm than I’d expected. I recalled that he didn’t have Harry Clearwater to watch with anymore.

As I was on my way back out the door, Billy caught my elbow. “Bella, don’t let yourself dwell on how things worked out with Jacob,” he said kindly. I got the impression that he had debated a long time over the words he spoke now – maybe he’d been planning to say it since the moment Jake left. “He would want for you to be happy. I want you to be happy. You’re family, and you always will be, whatever happens now,” he said solemnly.

Then the tears did come. I leaned down to hug him awkwardly, my hands grasping his shoulders rather than trying to wrap around him as he sat in his chair. “Thank you,” I said, smiling in spite of myself. “That really means a lot.”

“You’ll always be welcome here, Bella,” he replied. The words wiped away my smile.

“No, not always,” I contradicted sadly. “It won’t be long before the treaty will keep me out forever.” I swallowed hard. “But until then –“ I began, intending to tell him I’d be back every few days with food.

“Maybe it’s time the treaty was revisited,” he said, cutting me off. His voice was thoughtful, but stern. I was instantly reminded that this wasn’t just a favorite pseudo-uncle. This was an Elder of the Quileute tribe. “After all, if it weren’t for Dr. Cullen –“ he didn’t finish, but there was a friendly, familiar twinkle in his eye. I swallowed again, suddenly hopeful. Maybe I didn’t have to lose La Push. Maybe Jacob and I could be friends, one day, when the hurt wasn’t so raw. Maybe the pain could fade, after all.

“Night Billy,” I said after a moment, and he was solemn again as he wished me good night. He sat in the door as I drove away, and I watched him in my mirror until the forest came between us, thinking about right and wrong, and feeling like maybe I’d finally done something right.

Part 2